I could make wine with my vomit
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
