Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
