Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
