who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
