yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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