Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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