Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
