I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
