just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
