I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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