I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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