covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize