It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
