Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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