discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
