Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
