Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
