There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
