have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
