im drinking this country out of the recession.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
