how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
