So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
