and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
