just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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