Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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