Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
