There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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