my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
love makes seman taste better
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
