I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
