it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
