I'll bet she douches with gravy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm really busy with my period
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