For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
