lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
