Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
