I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
