I faked an abortion last night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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