After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
