felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
