mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
