then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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