This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
