bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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