Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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