I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
