Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
