reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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