why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
