Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
