this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
