What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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