Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
