She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
