i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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