I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
