I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
