i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She swung at the pinata with crutches
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
