I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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