how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize