I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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