maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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