I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
