I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize