Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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