So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
