he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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