Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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