I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
