Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
