I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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