Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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